Heart on My Sleeve

Sometimes I find it difficult to express how I feel in a letter.
I never know how someone’s going to take what I have to say,
If the sarcasm seems honest and the honesty seems too blunt.

Sometimes I find it difficult to know if you know what I’m trying to say
Because sometimes I wear my heart on my sleeve and open myself up
Just to tell you when I’m feeling down and when I’m on top of the world.

Sometimes I find it difficult to wake up in the morning
After a night spent thinking too much about everything that I said to you
Because you close yourself off and I don’t know what’s going through your mind.

Sometimes I find it difficult to go to sleep at night
Because sometimes it’s hard to say good night when the conversation’s going
And we’re still talking about anything that comes to our minds.

Sometimes I find it difficult to focus in the moments that I should focus,
When my thoughts are preoccupied and I’m still thinking too hard
Going over every little detail of the last conversation that we shared.

Sometimes I find it difficult to stay angry at you
Even though everyone else tells me that I let you off the hook easy
And everyone else tells me that I’m getting soft and it’s all because of you.

Sometimes I find it difficult to forgive myself
For the things that I do that I would never do if you were not you
And for the things that I say and the things that I mean when I’m around you.

Sometimes I find it difficult to open myself up to people I care about
Because it’s different telling the people I know versus the people I don’t
And it’s different when you care how people judge you and think of you.

Sometimes I find it difficult to tell people what I really think
Because I’m just wondering if they’re going to think of badly for it
And if they do, are they still someone that I want to stay friends with.

Sometimes I find it difficult to close my eyes
Because there’s nothing I can do to change the world that I’m in
And no amount of wishing is going to change the fate of a world.

Sometimes I find it difficult to express how I feel in a letter
So instead I will write a poem and pour my heart out to you
In hopes that you read this and that you understand.

Sometimes I find it difficult to wear my heart on my sleeve
And sometimes it’s the easiest thing that I have ever done in my life
And I realize that sometimes what’s difficult is sometimes what’s worth it.

Written December 1 2008.