Hold Me Fast

There’s something about the way that you look at me
And the way that you make me smile,
But I have to remind myself to stop and see
That saying you’re sorry won’t change a thing;

Because actions speak louder than words ever will,
And dreams for something different won’t come true,
Until someone changes, until we’re not standing still.
We’re just waiting for someone to say how they feel.

I can’t focus when you’re not around,
And I can’t breathe when you are
And the ties that bind have us bound
And the ties around my wrists hold me fast.

I struggle to remember a time before this
Pulling and pushing and spinning around
Wondering if we’re just going to miss
The joy in simplicity and soft sounds.

It’s just not the same when I’m alone
Because I breathe like I’m drowning under water.
And the Garden of Eden draws me in like a siren
Snakes and leaves and apples to barter.

I give a token struggle as I look up at you,
And I look away for a moment before you speak
I’m not supposed to be coy, I can’t say what’s true
That I keep silent so you can’t see me when I’m weak.

I can’t move from where I am, I can’t turn my head away,
I can’t close my eyes, I can’t run for the door;
You remind me that I wanted this, that I asked for this,
A kiss, just one, tells you what I want, that I want more.

Did you remember that I’m self-destructive on a good day?
Do you remember all the things that I haven’t done?
Breathing grows louder and I just can’t turn away from this,
The moon wanes and slowly gives way to the rising sun.

I turn away when you let me go, untying the knots,
You breathe you’re sorry of how you didn’t get it just right.
I remind you that I wanted this and I wanted what I got;
I just don’t know if it’s enough to keep me warm at night.

Written November 17 2008, tentatively titled “Scarlet Letter”.