Together or Apart

I’m sitting here and thinking things through
And wondering how we got to where we are,
And wondering if I knew this was going to happen
Seven months pass and it’s still a wish upon a star.
Would I have still made the choice that I made,
And would you have made the decision that you did,
And where would we be if we knew what we know now,
Or would we tell ourselves that heaven forbid
Because in a sense it’s all still a pipe dream.
And I’m not sure where we’re going to end up
And sometimes it’s difficult to see where it’ll go
If we’re going to be happy or it’ll blow up
In our faces and we’ll wait until the smoke clears.
Then I’d be standing there looking at you,
And our thoughts will be painted across our faces
Trying to remember when this was all brand new.
And how I felt and how this made me feel
Before everything blows apart and falls apart
And I’m left standing wondering where we went wrong
And wondering if I came out on top with an intact heart.

And I’m sitting here, thinking things through
And wondering how we got to where we are,
And I’m thinking to myself that it doesn’t matter
The crap we put each other through and the emotional scars.
And I’m thinking that we both realize
That there’s only so much that we can be sorry for
Before every conversation sounds the same,
And we both realize that this could be something more.
Maybe something better or maybe something not,
And we’ll never know until we try
Because there is more of me that I have to give
That I hold back because I’m afraid to cry.
But there’s only so much that I give away
And there is only so much that I can keep close
And there’s only so much I can let you take
Before you have all the best of me and I remain a ghost
Of who I used to be before I met you, before this began
And there’s only much that you can have before I break
But I must be thinking too much, too hard again
Because these words I wouldn’t say to you if I was awake.

And I’m sitting here, thinking things through
And wondering what’s on your mind and if we’re okay
Because sometimes this is difficult and I just can’t tell
And I have to hear the words that you have to say.
There is only so many ways that I can think of
To tell you how I feel when we’re together or apart
And there is only so many ways that you tell me
That endings are endings, but this is just a start
To something a little more real and a little more concrete
And we’re standing together, hand in hand, heart to heart
And I still don’t know how this got to where it is
But I don’t say a thing because I don’t want it to fall apart.
And there’s still some things that I keep to myself,
Things that I don’t know how to tell you
But then there’s still some things that you keep to yourself
And things that you don’t know how to tell me too.
So while I think things through and wonder too much
I try to come up with a way to tell you how much I care
And sometimes the words fail me and I don’t know what to say
And sometimes I know exactly the words I want to share.

Written December 3 2008.